The Girl Called Rachel

Today’s Word is: Pretension

Preface: Of course Oprah is a wonderful woman who has changed the world. Of course.

— — —

How many guests will Oprah ever have on? Is there a person on the planet who has seen a TV, who doesn’t know who Oprah is?

I should include the clip of Betty White playing beer pong with Jimmy Fallon. Maybe seeing that blurb has lead me mentally upon this reflection on Oprah.

Cue the tape! <<nose flair, widen eyes>> Is Oprah an egomaniac? How can she not be? Who doesn’t fawn over her? Rob Zombie would push his grandmother out of the way to fetch her a sparkling water. She was expecting some heavy applause there.

Will I ever know a child who will get his head cut off? That is a menacing thought.

“Let’s bail out our kids!” That’s buzzword-rific.

Perfect. <<slight head tit/nod, ah-shucks smile>> That’s what she is fed all day. “Oprah, it is amazing that you decided do have your daily BLT prepared with reduced fat mayonnaise. You. Are. A. Hero.”

Will I ever know a girl who is the victim of child pornography? Do I now?

The Colbert Nation. The Oprah Nation. “Nation, we have to protect our youth from internet predators. Buy my Christmas album on iTunes so I can beat that douche, Kanye.”

Cameron Diaz did not shave her head for that role… If she wanted an Oscar she would.

God, that Extenze commercial must be embarrassing for the kids of those actors.

Are there literary heroes who are addicted to meth? Has that established itself as a character flaw yet? A tragic flaw.

God, this man is beige. Why the FUCK do we care that Jason Kidd’s wife went overboard with the Thomas the Tank Engine theme?

<<I used to have the video for Ida Maria’s I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked up here, but embedding it is now prohibited. Go watch it on Youtube. It’s fun.>>

It must be crazy to have synesthesia like Ida Maria.

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